LIFE DURING THE COVID-19 CRISIS

Este incredibil cat de repede s-a schimbat felul in care traim, in mai putin de cateva saptamani. Acum o luna, tocmai ma intorceam dintr-o calatorie la Madrid. Totul mergea perfect la munca si deja imi planuiam urmatoarea vacanta. Acum, ma simt ca si cand m-am trezit intr-un univers paralel, in viata altcuiva.

It’s strange how quickly life took a turn this year. A month ago, I was just returning from a perfect trip to Madrid. Things were moving along smoothly at work, and I was planning the next vacation. Now, it’s like I woke up in a parallel universe, walking in another person’s shoes.

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OUT OF PLACE

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A “apartine” este un sentiment? Sau este doar nevoia de a fi aprobat si acceptat? Uneori nu imi dau seama.

Sentimentul ca nu mai apartin intr-un loc a inceput sa apara acum ceva vreme. Si nu vorbesc despre un loc anume, cum ar fi la munca, sau intr-un grup de prieteni. Este un context mult mai larg, intreaga societate de exemplu.

Is “belonging” a feeling? Or is it just the need to feel validated and accepted? Because lately, I can’t tell anymore. 

The feeling of not belonging started to creep up on me some time ago. And I am not talking here about a specific place like work, or a friends group. I am talking about a wider context, take our society for example.

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2019 – THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE ADVENTURES

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2019 a fost un an plin pentru mine. Sunt recunoscătoare pentru toate momentele fericite și pentru ca anul acesta am avut multe împliniri. Am schimbat locul de munca, am cumpărat un apartament mic în care sa locuiască mama mea și cu toate cele bune și rele am reușit sa îmi mențin echilibrul.

2019 was quite a ride for me. I am grateful for the happy moments and for the fact that this year left me feeling fulfilled.
I changed a job, I bought a small apartment for my mother to live in, and throughout the emotions and the good and the bad, I maintained my equilibrium.

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THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

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Acest text este continuarea articolului Longing

Traiesc cu impresia ca pentru majoritatea oamenilor fericirea este ceva asemanator cu fata morgana. Este o iluzie care le arata cea mai frumoasa fantezie a lor, insa atunci cand incearca sa ajunga la ea, dispare ca din senin. Daca ma uit in jur, vad ca fericirea are o definitie diferita pentru fiecare dintre noi, iar acest lucru este perfect normal. Insa pentru multi dintre noi, fericirea este un concept nerealist. Munti de bani, mult timp liber, calatorii cat cuprinde si relaxare maxima. Stiti voi, fix cum vedeti in conturile acelea de pe Insta. Fericirea a ajuns ca o opera de arta care sta intr-un muzeu si este admirata, dar este prea scumpa ca sa fie cumparata. Asa ca platim bilete ca sa ne uitam la ea pentru cateva minute si apoi continuam sa ne vedem de viata noastra trista.

This post is a continuation of Longing

I feel that for most people, happiness is something similar to a fata morgana illusion. It’s right there in front of them, displaying the most beautiful fantasy, but when they reach out to grab it, poof! It just disappears! If I stop and look around, happiness has a different definition for each one of us, and that’s perfectly normal. But for many of us, happiness is also unrealistic. It involves a great amount of money, lots of free time, visiting cool places, and chilling all the time. You know, just like that perfect Instagram account you follow. Happiness is like an expensive art piece that belongs in a gallery only to be admired, too expensive to take home. So you pay a ticket to stare at it for a few minutes and then mind your own sad business.

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LONGING …

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group of people crossing pedestrian lane in greyscale
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Nu am avut multe de spus in ultima vreme pentru ca simt ca intr-un fel mi-am pierdut “vocea”. Nu din lipsa de timp sau de inspiratie. Doar ca mi-am luat o vreme sa imi golesc mintea. Si nu imi place sa scriu doar de dragul de a adauga o postare noua pe blog. Asa ca am stat de-o parte o vreme. In tot acest timp, am luat fiecare moment pe rand si m-am bucurat de lucrurile marunte. Unii ar numi-o rutina. Alcatuita din drumuri de la munca acasa si invers, cu multe momente de fericire intre. Din pacate nu apreciem deloc aceste momente de liniste. Am avut partea mea de momente mai putin bune, iar atunci cand nu se intampla nimic lucurile sunt departe de a fi plictisitoare. Ca sa fiu sincera, imi e frica sa nu se sparga cumva aceasta bula momentana de calm. Ma opresc si imi scot gandul asta din minte si merg mai departe. Pana la urma asta e viata, un labirint in intuneric cu suisuri, coborasuri si blocaje la care nu te astepti.

Generatia mea isi petrece majoritatea timpului visand la ce au altii, sau la o viata pe care o vezi doar in filme. Si iata-ma pe mine, mergand la munca si nu intr-o vacanta de lux. Asta in timp ce ii multumesc soarelui ca straluceste ca intr-o zi de vara in noiembrie. Ma opresc si “vobesc” cu o pisica fericita ca o mangaie si pe ea cineva. Ma bucur de o cina cu o prietena buna si apoi imi beau cafeaua dimineata. Ma simt super incarcata cu energie dupa ce plec de la sala. Si mi se umple inima de fericire cand primesc o ploae de pupici iubitori. Si visez si eu la ceva: ca aceste momente sa tot continue. Pentru ca asta este fericirea mea: sa gasesc bucurie zi de zi in viata mea (im)perfecta.

I haven’t had much to say lately, mostly because I feel like I’ve lost my “voice” somehow. It’s not that I don’t have time or inspiration. I took a while to clear my head. And because I don’t like to write just for the sake of filling another page on a blog, I figured it’s best to stay quiet. I’ve spent my time taking life step by step and enjoying the little things. You could say it’s a routine consisting of work-home-work-home routes and snippets of happiness in-between. But I don’t think we fully appreciate these moments; sailing on calm waters, I call them. I’ve had my share of rough waters during my time, and nothing happening is far off from being boring. I am just existing, and to be honest, I am scared that something will burst my calm bubble. I shake this thought out of my head and keep going. After all, that’s what life is: a rollercoaster ride in the dark with twists and turns when you least expect them.

My generation spends most of its time longing for things that others have, or for a life that exists only in the movies. And here I am, going to work, and not at a fancy resort. Thanking the sun for shining so bright on a November morning giving summer vibes when the summer is long gone. Stopping to play with a stray cat that meows with content each time I pet her head. Happily enjoying a dinner with a good friend. Drinking my coffee in the morning. Feeling those good vibes after going to the gym. Having my heart filled with happiness after being showered with loving kisses. Also longing for something: for this to go on. Because this is what my happiness is: finding joy every day in my not so perfect-perfect life.